Love for Introverts

Owe no debt to anyone except the debt that binds us to love one another. (Rom. 13:8)

Does that include a debt to be loved as well?

For those of us who have been hurt, abused, ashamed, or are simply private, being loved is a hard thing, sometimes an impossible thing. The very act of sharing the personal (a prerequisite to being loved) leaves one open to anything, from ridicule to genuine affection, both of which can be frightening. And the journey from that fear to the place where we allow ourselves to be loved—whether it requires therapy, or spiritual direction, or whatever—is arduous.

Allow me to suggest, however, that it is an important journey to make.

Here’s why. Every one of us is woven into life’s fabric. Even our smallest gestures can turn around someone’s day or, on occasion, someone’s life. Our stories can inspire, or warn, or calm the souls of others. We don’t choose this state of affairs; it simply is.

But we can choose to enter into it—and thus do good to those around us. By opening ourselves to others, we allow them not only to learn from our experiences, but to practice love themselves—to make a payment on “the debt that binds us to love one another.”

In short, we can do so much good by embracing our interconnectedness.

As with so many other things, of course, balance is a virtue here. I’m not talking about sharing everything with everyone. Our inmost self can be delicate and needs a place of quiet in which to grow.

Yet our capacity to share ourselves, in even the smallest ways, can bless and repair the world. And regardless of the path to healing that we take to allow ourselves to be loved, one thing supports our journey: the inexhaustible supply of love from the Divine Presence. That alone can give us the fuel to carry on.