Those Annoying Limitations That Never Go Away

In a few weeks, I’ll be heading down to Holy Cross Monastery for a mini-retreat. I’ll meet with my spiritual director, write, read a good book, and soak in the silence. It occurred to me, however, that before the retreat I should visit my therapist, or get my meds adjusted, or somehow screw my head on straight before I go be all spiritual.

Why?

I always do this sort of thing. I have to be in the “right” frame of mind before I say Morning Prayer. I cannot pray immediately after eating too much, or watching NASCAR, because I’m not spiritual enough. Goodness knows, I can’t visit a bunch of monks without being spiritual enough.

As I ruminated on this, it suddenly hit me: after three decades on this journey, I still can’t accept the love of God as unconditional. So to earn the Divine acceptance, I continually strive to present God with my “best-dressed self.”

What nonsense.

And yet it’s my nonsense. I am always astounded when, just as I think I’ve resolved some of my personal issues and can “progress” to something else, up they pop again. They might take a different form, or appear at a deeper level, but there they are.

My therapist describes this graphically, by drawing a spiral with an upward trajectory. Sure, we make progress of a sort—we get a little better at dealing with issue X, or just living with issue Y—but in that progress we keep returning to the same old trash.

I wonder if it’s an exercise in humility—which I define as an awareness and acceptance of one’s place in the universe. I have been created as one person. I have been given exactly one set of strengths and weaknesses. So every time the same old issue keeps cropping up, it reminds me of my one-personness, and humility grows.

On a related front, we have no idea whether our limitations might actually help us help one another. How many times have you shared a personal weakness with a friend, and it meant so much to her because she struggles with the same thing? Or she’s made a bit more progress on that front and can offer you a new perspective? Or, by admitting your weaknesses, you allowed her to exercise her empathy and compassion?

And just like that, you’ve glimpsed another lesson of humility: that we need one another to become fully ourselves. That lesson can inspire us to strengthen the bonds that connect us—and to work together on the problems that confront our world.